( that little remark bout vincent nearly made her snort up in laughter- instead mr. cheese squeaks at the perfect time within his cage. )
That sounds right, I don't really keep tabs on him these days so I'm not really sure what he's up to....but...
( as she took another bite of her ice cream coated chip, she made a small face of curiosity. just how was she going to explain to gorgug that he was a member of a cult that had basically ruined her life, but that she didn't outright hate him? )
I know this is hard to believe but basically I was born into a cult many years ago...more than two decades ago. I was born to a woman named Dahlia Gillespie and she was a member of this cult where Vincent and this other woman Claudia were born into.
I want to preface by saying I don't hate Vincent for his association with it, but he's an important part of this story.
[ Gorgug's sitting, facing Heather, eating slowly at his ice cream. He's had a run-in with a cult before, but nothing personal enough for the information to get a reaction out of him. Instead he's curious about where this will go, and how this Vincent guy is going to be integral. ]
Okay...
[ He says that to show that he's listening, not even voicing it in a way that asks Heather to proceed. She can do that in her own time.
(And it's not that he didn't clock the two decades part, but he's also not sure if they know the same kind of decade? He'll ask later. He won't forget!!) ]
( it was a long and difficult story with far too many complex parts, and far too much trauma. so unfortunately for gorgug he was going to get the abridged version of things. still it was far more than she had told anyone else [with the exception being maria].
with a soft sigh, she made herself comfortable on the couch, kicking off her slippers and curling up with the bowl still in hand. )
Basically at the time I was called Alessa Gillespie and I had super natural powers....it was something the cult sought to use to give birth to their God. My father, Harry Mason, he isn't my biological dad but he saved me. Unfortunately it meant he became a target for the cult.
[ That's what Gorgug first says--or sounds. His eyes are wide looking at her, intrigued by this story. And there's a lot of parts to it already, like--supernatural powers? Giving birth to Gods? ]
Were you on the run from the cult? Was it a big cult?
[ How big can cults get? Then again, the one connected to Kristen's old faith was kinda a handful, huh... ]
( she paused for a moment, wondering just how to go about explaining the next part. heather took another scoop of her chip and ate it, deciding it was best to just condense it down-
he didn't need to know this was technically her third body after all. )
It was a pretty big cult at the time, almost the entire town was starting to be in on it. However at that time I wasn't on the run, because I....my mother, that woman Dahlia had kept me hostage by hurting me to the point where I couldn't move my body. All those years recovering from that incident led to the town becoming haunted by this force called the 'other world' and it brought Harry Mason to the town.
He ended up helping me and dismantling a large part of the cult but as a result of all that chaos...I died and was reborn as the person sitting before you.
[ It sounds big, right? Bigger than Gorgug can imagine, and he can tell he's getting a simplified version of events. What exactly this other world is, what the cult were doing. And what did keeping Heather captive to the point that she couldn't move her body achieve?
But more importantly is what Heather is saying she suffered. Blatantly and the implications there: dying, a lack of bodily autonomy, and an unloving mother. Not giving, at least, the kind of love a child should receive. ]
I'm sorry that happened to you, [ Gorgug says eventually; his voice slow, words soft. ] It sounds like a lot. We had trouble with a cult in my town too, but... it wasn't like that. And dying really sucks.
I can't say I'm very faithful or full of belief these days....
( her own voice in turn softens, but she's not quite sad about the whole thing as one might expect. she's had time to process the things heather was reminded of, and frankly that part of her life died the day alessa did. sometimes she would come back and flood her mind with memories, but heather stood firm in the belief that they were the same person despite what vincent might suggest.
as her ice cream began to soften, she began to eat more from it before moving on. )
But I got lucky, my father, Harry saved me and raised me as his own. It was the first time I wasn't being hurt or used...he was a great man. A really...really great man. Unfortunately though the cult still thought I could be of use to them so this lady, Claudia, the new leader, came looking for us.
[ Gorgug nods, having an inkling of where this is going with knowing that Heather's father is dead. But he doesn't want to make her jump in her story, wanting her to go at her own pace.
So instead, he remarks: ] Was there something about you and this god...? I know you said you had supernatural powers... but were you marked, or something? Like a prophesised figure...?
[ Surprisingly, he has a little know about cult and religion... solely through interactions with a cult. Despite also forgetting half of the details about that, too. ]
( that was a good question, and frankly she didn't want to get into the gory details of it to spare him, and herself of the pain. )
That woman...Dahlia had never seen anyone with powers. Being born to her, already a member and leader of the cult, made her position within The Order even stronger. So she decided I would be the perfect vessel....she made sure I believed too, by any means necessary.
( from being physically beaten by her into submission, to being bullied at school for being different, it was a painful era for her. silently, she set the bowl of ice cream down, now nearly empty and curled herself up on the couch, almost protectively. )
But by the time I was reborn as who I am now, she was far gone. The only ones that remained were those obsessed with bringing forth God. Vincent he...he saw it all go down and did nothing. He knew Claudia wanted to hunt my father and I down, and kill him so that I became angry again....became ripe and prime to give birth to their God again.
[ So it was a power trip, sorta. It explained why they wanted her originally (she was there, she had powers, and so it made sense), but not later on--why they had her and her dad fleeing them when they could've tried finding someone like her elsewhere.
Unless they were easy to find? Gorgug doesn't think about it too hard, since the story continues, and his brow is furrowed more of the happenings: how making Heather angry primes her for this birth? ]
Was it a god of anger...?
[ He could comment on her father. He will, but-- he feels like Heather might have more to say, especially since it sounded like something happened at the party. So he's leaving any real deep questioning, any comforting words, until it seems like Heather's finally done. ]
You're kinda right, but it was more like Dahlia and Claudia believed that a God born of anger and despair was the best approach to things. A God born of love...they didn't like the sound of that.
( and this is where whatever questions gorgug had about her father, would be answered. )
So Claudia had to make me angry, to try again. She sent a few remaining cult members to attack my father while I was out, for the sake of making me full of rage and despair. I...I threw the party because Vincent reached out to me to talk about his murder.
Gorgug reaches out, tentatively at first, but then committing and putting a hand on Heather's arm in a comforting gesture. It all clicks together, but there had even been an added purpose to the murder--a shitty decision regardless of reasoning. Maybe even more shitty, all things considered. ]
( the touch was a comforting sensation among the stress she began to feel from reliving her past. the details omitted, the depth of her suffering were all touched upon only at a surface level. she knew if she went further into it, it would bring her back to that dark time.
so she opted to focus on the real reason she was feeling down and the reason why she threw the party in the first place. )
Well no surprise, he's actually against God being born as he believes it should be in her own time, not that I care about any of that-
What he wanted to talk about was two things. One, to give me a seal to prevent myself from being used as a vessel ( again, she's going easy on the details. ) and for some reason tell me that if he could, he would go back in time to stop the murder of my father.
That just meant...he knew it was happening and he confirmed it. It put me in a pretty shitty mood to be honest.
[ Gorgug's nose wrinkles as he hears about Vincent's apparent plan--or if he could, but still, it leaves the same question in Gorgug's head.
He doesn't know the guy that well, and doesn't have much of an opinion on him--even now, he's not sure what to think, but- ]
Why do you think he said that? About your dad--do you believe him?
[ Is he something more than just some guy? Because he sounds like either that, or like he's up to something. Does he feel bad now, despite not caring to try and stop it before? If he did or didn't.
It doesn't make sense. Unless he knows something. ]
( by now the remaining ice cream in her bowl had melted just a bit, and her pet/friend had fallen asleep due to the lack of attention. she was still curled up on the couch but as gorgug spoke, she began to rock back and forth gently. a nervous habit, but she hadn't quite realized she was doing it.
it wasn't until he finished asking her those questions that she turned her focus on him fully. with a soft sigh she began to move her head side to side a bit in addition to the rocking. nervous, nervous habits. )
I don't know....I always got the vibe that he hated my dad. He used to get annoyed and even angry if I spoke positively about my dad. Maybe this place is making him less jaded or something but...
it's strange...he seems to not hate me as much anymore? I'm not sure at all what his angle is.
[ There's definitely softened ice cream in Gorgug's own bowl, the sweet treat secondary to Heather's story, to the girl herself. He sees her fidgeting, but he's not one to stop her--this is a difficult conversation. And this topic isn't easy emotionally, or understanding what's going on.
Gorgug listens, and he's still frowning, following her thoughts. ]
...he could be feeling out of his element. If all he's got is you as someone from the same world as him, and he's got none of his position that he had back home, or anything to fall back on...
[ That's one angle. Or- ]
...or he's thinking bigger? [ He looked away while thinking, but looks back at Heather. ] Did people believe in other universes where you're from? There's more people with magic here, there's more gods-- what do you think the kind of person he is? Do you think he's smart?
[ He's a guy who didn't care about Heather's life getting screwed over, but didn't want the god getting born early-- but what kind of role did he have? What kind of guy is he?
Does he actually know anything about finance, even? ]
( and gorgug was probably right about feeling out of his element. she can't claim to speak for him or know all of his motivations, but based on the conversations they had in silent hill, there was one thing she knew for certain. )
Manipulative and almost like a child at times in the way he behaves. I've told him as such, that he remind me of how a child lashes out when angry or distressed.
( simply comparing him to the current leader of the cult, claudia made him yell at her. )
I think he's smart enough to realize when to push and when to pull, in regards to our conversations. He seems to know enough to have made something of himself outside of the cult, but he still went back to it in the end. I guess...I feel sorry for him more than anything.
[ She feels sorry for him. Gorgug can figure why, though it takes him a second to figure how to phrase it: ]
'Cause he's a loser?
[ There's no intent to be funny, but--he went back to a cault, he can't get out of that, he's childish and manipulative, and he's probably got some weird thing about Heather now. Maybe he's even feeling something towards her now because she's some close link to his god. ]
( although he wasn't trying to be funny at all, the way that was phrased and how the words seemed to shatter the mood that was created by such a heavy topic, heather couldn't help but stare at him. she stopped fidgeting around by now, remaining silent before she finally did something-
and by something, she busted out in laughter. she hadn't quite analyzed too deeply why he was so suddenly worried about her and protecting her, while also taunting her, but deep inside she knew the answer. he most likely wanted to protect himself, prevent god from being born from her due to his belief on her coming in her own time, and wanting to keep heather from dismantling the cult completely. even if he was technically dead back home, he was alive here. she had no doubt he was trying to recruit. )
Sorry, sorry this is serious but....honestly?
( she paused briefly to breathe. )
It's all so convoluted and dark, all I can do is laugh at that. So thank you, it really helped me from feeling too bad or stressed about the whole thing.
[ He's confused when she starts laughing, blinking at her and wondering what's so funny, but--Heather looks so happy (it's a good-looking laugh!) that a smile does slip itself onto Gorgug's face, even if he doesn't break out into a laugh himself.
But the smile has reason to stick after she speaks--a little sheepish, but honestly? ]
Hey, even dark and convoluted people can be losers! The religious cult in my town were losers too! They tried to start a war with Heaven and Hell on Spyre!
[ Or something like that? He doesn't remember if he's right, but it's close enough. ]
The guy's a loser! It doesn't matter what dark past he had. He's like, what, forty? He's so old.
( while she didn't outright hate vincent despite everything that happened to her [and his involvement in it], she couldn't help but laugh even more at gorgug's comments.
truly they were just two teenagers dealing with all this heaviness in the best way they could- shit talking boring adults who weren't even technically that old. )
I had no idea you dealt with such craziness in your world, but given the magic and all that...it makes sense.
( as for vincent's age- )
I'm actually not sure how old he is, but he acts like an old fart sometimes, I wouldn't be surprised if he was forty!
( that was an excellent question. as of now, he had convinced her that it was in both their best interest to work together and so far it had worked out.
she didn't want to stir trouble for herself, and while misguided, she did feel he cared about her to some extent. )
As long as he isn't outright hurting me or pissing me off, I'll just work with him as peacefully as I can. He's a victim of that cult just as much as I am, and yeah he isn't the nicest person but...
I saw him die before me back home. Even he deserved better than that.
[ Gorgug wonders, but then--either he's misplacing the level of sympathy Heather has for Vincent, or he isn't. His feelings don't change, but even if they don't, neither does what truly matters: Heather's opinion. Heather's feelings. ]
You're compassionate. [ ... ] And I think you get bigger victim rights. [ A small nod. ] Even if he went through some stuff, too. You went through two lives' worth. That's a lot.
[ Again, he's not even trying to joke. He just thinks Heather gets to be higher on the victim scale. ]
( as she began to uncurl from her spot on the couch, she reached out to touch gorgug's arm gently, giving it a firm but re-assuring squeeze. where there was once sadness and confusion her face, she actually seemed to be....glowing. a positive wave filled up her spirit as she thought long and hard about her suffering and how wallowing in it never did her any good as alessa.
no she was striving to be a better version of herself everyday. )
I don't like to think of myself as a victim. I just....I just want you to know it's okay. If we let ourselves get drowned out by our suffering we just end up not doing much of anything. So I try and look at the bright side of things, and wish for a better future.
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That sounds right, I don't really keep tabs on him these days so I'm not really sure what he's up to....but...
( as she took another bite of her ice cream coated chip, she made a small face of curiosity. just how was she going to explain to gorgug that he was a member of a cult that had basically ruined her life, but that she didn't outright hate him? )
I know this is hard to believe but basically I was born into a cult many years ago...more than two decades ago. I was born to a woman named Dahlia Gillespie and she was a member of this cult where Vincent and this other woman Claudia were born into.
I want to preface by saying I don't hate Vincent for his association with it, but he's an important part of this story.
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Okay...
[ He says that to show that he's listening, not even voicing it in a way that asks Heather to proceed. She can do that in her own time.
(And it's not that he didn't clock the two decades part, but he's also not sure if they know the same kind of decade? He'll ask later. He won't forget!!) ]
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with a soft sigh, she made herself comfortable on the couch, kicking off her slippers and curling up with the bowl still in hand. )
Basically at the time I was called Alessa Gillespie and I had super natural powers....it was something the cult sought to use to give birth to their God. My father, Harry Mason, he isn't my biological dad but he saved me. Unfortunately it meant he became a target for the cult.
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[ That's what Gorgug first says--or sounds. His eyes are wide looking at her, intrigued by this story. And there's a lot of parts to it already, like--supernatural powers? Giving birth to Gods? ]
Were you on the run from the cult? Was it a big cult?
[ How big can cults get? Then again, the one connected to Kristen's old faith was kinda a handful, huh... ]
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he didn't need to know this was technically her third body after all. )
It was a pretty big cult at the time, almost the entire town was starting to be in on it. However at that time I wasn't on the run, because I....my mother, that woman Dahlia had kept me hostage by hurting me to the point where I couldn't move my body. All those years recovering from that incident led to the town becoming haunted by this force called the 'other world' and it brought Harry Mason to the town.
He ended up helping me and dismantling a large part of the cult but as a result of all that chaos...I died and was reborn as the person sitting before you.
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But more importantly is what Heather is saying she suffered. Blatantly and the implications there: dying, a lack of bodily autonomy, and an unloving mother. Not giving, at least, the kind of love a child should receive. ]
I'm sorry that happened to you, [ Gorgug says eventually; his voice slow, words soft. ] It sounds like a lot. We had trouble with a cult in my town too, but... it wasn't like that. And dying really sucks.
[ To put it lightly... ]
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( her own voice in turn softens, but she's not quite sad about the whole thing as one might expect. she's had time to process the things heather was reminded of, and frankly that part of her life died the day alessa did. sometimes she would come back and flood her mind with memories, but heather stood firm in the belief that they were the same person despite what vincent might suggest.
as her ice cream began to soften, she began to eat more from it before moving on. )
But I got lucky, my father, Harry saved me and raised me as his own. It was the first time I wasn't being hurt or used...he was a great man. A really...really great man. Unfortunately though the cult still thought I could be of use to them so this lady, Claudia, the new leader, came looking for us.
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So instead, he remarks: ] Was there something about you and this god...? I know you said you had supernatural powers... but were you marked, or something? Like a prophesised figure...?
[ Surprisingly, he has a little know about cult and religion... solely through interactions with a cult. Despite also forgetting half of the details about that, too. ]
cw: child abuse, lack of autonomy
That woman...Dahlia had never seen anyone with powers. Being born to her, already a member and leader of the cult, made her position within The Order even stronger. So she decided I would be the perfect vessel....she made sure I believed too, by any means necessary.
( from being physically beaten by her into submission, to being bullied at school for being different, it was a painful era for her. silently, she set the bowl of ice cream down, now nearly empty and curled herself up on the couch, almost protectively. )
But by the time I was reborn as who I am now, she was far gone. The only ones that remained were those obsessed with bringing forth God. Vincent he...he saw it all go down and did nothing. He knew Claudia wanted to hunt my father and I down, and kill him so that I became angry again....became ripe and prime to give birth to their God again.
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Unless they were easy to find? Gorgug doesn't think about it too hard, since the story continues, and his brow is furrowed more of the happenings: how making Heather angry primes her for this birth? ]
Was it a god of anger...?
[ He could comment on her father. He will, but-- he feels like Heather might have more to say, especially since it sounded like something happened at the party. So he's leaving any real deep questioning, any comforting words, until it seems like Heather's finally done. ]
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( and this is where whatever questions gorgug had about her father, would be answered. )
So Claudia had to make me angry, to try again. She sent a few remaining cult members to attack my father while I was out, for the sake of making me full of rage and despair. I...I threw the party because Vincent reached out to me to talk about his murder.
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Gorgug reaches out, tentatively at first, but then committing and putting a hand on Heather's arm in a comforting gesture. It all clicks together, but there had even been an added purpose to the murder--a shitty decision regardless of reasoning. Maybe even more shitty, all things considered. ]
Why did he want to talk to you about it?
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so she opted to focus on the real reason she was feeling down and the reason why she threw the party in the first place. )
Well no surprise, he's actually against God being born as he believes it should be in her own time, not that I care about any of that-
What he wanted to talk about was two things. One, to give me a seal to prevent myself from being used as a vessel ( again, she's going easy on the details. ) and for some reason tell me that if he could, he would go back in time to stop the murder of my father.
That just meant...he knew it was happening and he confirmed it. It put me in a pretty shitty mood to be honest.
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He doesn't know the guy that well, and doesn't have much of an opinion on him--even now, he's not sure what to think, but- ]
Why do you think he said that? About your dad--do you believe him?
[ Is he something more than just some guy? Because he sounds like either that, or like he's up to something. Does he feel bad now, despite not caring to try and stop it before? If he did or didn't.
It doesn't make sense. Unless he knows something. ]
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it wasn't until he finished asking her those questions that she turned her focus on him fully. with a soft sigh she began to move her head side to side a bit in addition to the rocking. nervous, nervous habits. )
I don't know....I always got the vibe that he hated my dad. He used to get annoyed and even angry if I spoke positively about my dad. Maybe this place is making him less jaded or something but...
it's strange...he seems to not hate me as much anymore? I'm not sure at all what his angle is.
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Gorgug listens, and he's still frowning, following her thoughts. ]
...he could be feeling out of his element. If all he's got is you as someone from the same world as him, and he's got none of his position that he had back home, or anything to fall back on...
[ That's one angle. Or- ]
...or he's thinking bigger? [ He looked away while thinking, but looks back at Heather. ] Did people believe in other universes where you're from? There's more people with magic here, there's more gods-- what do you think the kind of person he is? Do you think he's smart?
[ He's a guy who didn't care about Heather's life getting screwed over, but didn't want the god getting born early-- but what kind of role did he have? What kind of guy is he?
Does he actually know anything about finance, even? ]
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( and gorgug was probably right about feeling out of his element. she can't claim to speak for him or know all of his motivations, but based on the conversations they had in silent hill, there was one thing she knew for certain. )
Manipulative and almost like a child at times in the way he behaves. I've told him as such, that he remind me of how a child lashes out when angry or distressed.
( simply comparing him to the current leader of the cult, claudia made him yell at her. )
I think he's smart enough to realize when to push and when to pull, in regards to our conversations. He seems to know enough to have made something of himself outside of the cult, but he still went back to it in the end. I guess...I feel sorry for him more than anything.
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'Cause he's a loser?
[ There's no intent to be funny, but--he went back to a cault, he can't get out of that, he's childish and manipulative, and he's probably got some weird thing about Heather now. Maybe he's even feeling something towards her now because she's some close link to his god. ]
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and by something, she busted out in laughter. she hadn't quite analyzed too deeply why he was so suddenly worried about her and protecting her, while also taunting her, but deep inside she knew the answer. he most likely wanted to protect himself, prevent god from being born from her due to his belief on her coming in her own time, and wanting to keep heather from dismantling the cult completely. even if he was technically dead back home, he was alive here. she had no doubt he was trying to recruit. )
Sorry, sorry this is serious but....honestly?
( she paused briefly to breathe. )
It's all so convoluted and dark, all I can do is laugh at that. So thank you, it really helped me from feeling too bad or stressed about the whole thing.
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But the smile has reason to stick after she speaks--a little sheepish, but honestly? ]
Hey, even dark and convoluted people can be losers! The religious cult in my town were losers too! They tried to start a war with Heaven and Hell on Spyre!
[ Or something like that? He doesn't remember if he's right, but it's close enough. ]
The guy's a loser! It doesn't matter what dark past he had. He's like, what, forty? He's so old.
[ Sorry, Vincent, but you're criiiinge. ]
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truly they were just two teenagers dealing with all this heaviness in the best way they could- shit talking boring adults who weren't even technically that old. )
I had no idea you dealt with such craziness in your world, but given the magic and all that...it makes sense.
( as for vincent's age- )
I'm actually not sure how old he is, but he acts like an old fart sometimes, I wouldn't be surprised if he was forty!
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Gorgug puts his mostly empty bowl onto the coffee table, all that's left is a small puddle of melted ice cream in the centre. ]
What do you want to do about him here? Are you...planning to ignore him? Work with him?
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( that was an excellent question. as of now, he had convinced her that it was in both their best interest to work together and so far it had worked out.
she didn't want to stir trouble for herself, and while misguided, she did feel he cared about her to some extent. )
As long as he isn't outright hurting me or pissing me off, I'll just work with him as peacefully as I can. He's a victim of that cult just as much as I am, and yeah he isn't the nicest person but...
I saw him die before me back home. Even he deserved better than that.
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You're compassionate. [ ... ] And I think you get bigger victim rights. [ A small nod. ] Even if he went through some stuff, too. You went through two lives' worth. That's a lot.
[ Again, he's not even trying to joke. He just thinks Heather gets to be higher on the victim scale. ]
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( as she began to uncurl from her spot on the couch, she reached out to touch gorgug's arm gently, giving it a firm but re-assuring squeeze. where there was once sadness and confusion her face, she actually seemed to be....glowing. a positive wave filled up her spirit as she thought long and hard about her suffering and how wallowing in it never did her any good as alessa.
no she was striving to be a better version of herself everyday. )
I don't like to think of myself as a victim. I just....I just want you to know it's okay. If we let ourselves get drowned out by our suffering we just end up not doing much of anything. So I try and look at the bright side of things, and wish for a better future.
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cw: cannibalism mentions
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